I have been visiting my younger self almost every day for the better part of a year. My memoir project needs her. I need her. She still hasn’t decided if she needs me. Little Caitlin is fiercely independent. She has a vivid imagination and an affinity for heart-forward stories. She is accustomed to being alone. This makes her wary, so I coax her out from behind musty letters and time-worn photographs. I plead with her to help narrate my story.
She begins to trust me. We walk hand-in-hand on an unmarked path. Our palms sweat and our fingers grasp more tightly as we approach a miniscule-yet-vast space we have come to know well.
This is where memory gems (“gemories”) are mined, where shadow and light collide. We peer through a visceral, timeline-defying fog. We try to make sense of scenes that elude conventional storytelling. Some days all we can muster is to stand absolutely still, hold hands, and absorb what reveals itself.
Other days we write. And write. And write some more. We are learning not to pass judgement on the stories emerging from the haze, the characters jumping out, or the way they make us feel. Some “gemories” delight us; others bring us to the brink of despair. We do our best not to control the form they take. They land on the page willy-nilly and we let them. We believe in their power to lead us backward—to where we have been—and forward to where we are going.
Come Join Us
Come join us
on the edges
where shadow and light collide
watch them dance
pulling at the seams
of what we think we know
holding a multitude of truths
in infinite hands
Come join us
in the place
where an insatiable army
of contradiction starves
we will dance
freeing our minds
from despots and their absolutes
twirling to a synthesized rhythm
of dialectical thought
life
death
sorrow
joy
truth
fiction
kin
stranger
peril
peace
fire
rain
heaven
earth
hope
fear
permanence
impermanence
Come join us
We will danceSpecial thanks to a dear friend who introduced me to dialectics (thinking with and through contradiction) over a cup of tea last week. I have to admit, my ignorance of classical philosophy embarrassed me at first, but I was fascinated by the dialectical method’s relevance to the modern world. My friend’s unaffectedness put me at ease, and our lively conversation set my brain on fire (in a good way).
Since then, I have been pondering the contradictions I bump up against in writing and in life with an eye toward dialectics and synthesis (in my own rudimentary way, of course). “Come Join Us” grew out of these musings. Exploring the tension between ‘opposites’ will add texture to my ongoing trek with Little Caitlin.
Invitation
What two seemingly contradictory truths would you like to explore? Might they coexist? Would their synthesis offer a more complete understanding than one or the other by itself?
If you and Little You were to spend the day together, what would you do?